Couples counselling in Singapore has become a pivotal aspect of the divorce process, especially with recent court mandates encouraging reconciliation efforts before finalizing a divorce. The Family Justice Courts (FJC) now require couples filing for divorce by mutual agreement to prove that they have attempted to save their marriage before seeking divorce.
This emphasis on mediation and professional help reflects a broader societal shift that aims to reduce the emotional and financial toll of divorce. In this post, we will explore the role of counselling in this process, and reflect on its implications for couples facing relationship struggles.
Summary of the Article: Courts Encouraging Reconciliation
The article titled, “Courts May Ask Divorcing Couples with a Reasonable Shot of Reconciling to Get Help to Save Marriage,“ highlights a significant change in the divorce process in Singapore. As of July 1, 2024, the Family Justice Courts (FJC) now direct couples filing for divorce by mutual agreement to demonstrate their attempts at reconciliation, which may include attending couples counselling. The court will evaluate whether further efforts at reconciliation have a reasonable chance of success before granting a divorce.
Couples filing under mutual agreement must provide a written statement of the reasons for their decision, including their efforts to salvage the marriage and details about children and financial arrangements. Even if the divorce is mutually agreed upon, the court can ask the couple to seek professional counselling if it believes there is a possibility of saving the marriage.
If a couple has already sought external mediation, the court may ask them to return to these professionals for further sessions. A failure to adhere to court directives may impact the eventual divorce decision.
Reflection and Opinion
This shift in the court’s approach represents a positive step toward reducing acrimony in divorce proceedings. Traditionally, divorce cases often revolved around assigning blame, particularly in fault-based divorces, which could lead to extended conflicts and emotional harm. By focusing on mutual agreement and mandating couples to show their commitment to reconciliation, the courts are prioritising emotional healing over legal battles. The idea of requiring couples to attend counselling before finalising divorce proceedings ensures that both parties have explored every possible avenue for resolution.
However, this approach may also present challenges for some couples. The court’s intervention assumes that both partners are equally willing to work on their relationship. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. When one partner has already emotionally disengaged from the relationship, the expectation of reconciliation through counselling might feel disingenuous. For these individuals, attending therapy sessions may seem like a mere formality or even a source of further frustration.
If you’re unsure whether your relationship could benefit from couples counselling, there are clear signs that your relationship might need couple counselling. Recognizing early signs of disconnect can help you seek timely professional guidance to address issues before they escalate.
The Timing of Counselling: Is it Too Late?
The decision to seek counselling often comes too late for many couples. By the time they consider professional help, significant damage may have already been done. Years of unresolved conflicts, emotional distance, or even infidelity can create a rift so deep that counselling may feel more like an attempt to delay the inevitable rather than a genuine effort to save the relationship.
While the court’s decision to mandate counselling is well-intentioned, it may not always yield the desired outcome if couples have already emotionally or physically detached from each other. In such cases, counselling may not necessarily save the marriage, but it could provide clarity on whether it’s truly beyond repair. For couples who no longer wish to be together, therapy may simply help them navigate the transition to divorce more amicably, avoiding the emotional turmoil that often accompanies divorce battles.
While it may feel like an uphill battle, understanding what to expect in your first couple counselling session can make a big difference in how you approach the process and set the right tone for positive change.
Mediation as a Tool for Resolution
Mediation, which is also promoted by the courts, offers a valuable alternative to traditional divorce proceedings. The process provides a neutral space for both partners to voice their concerns, allowing a professional mediator or therapist to guide the conversation toward productive solutions. In many cases, couples find that mediation helps them address issues in a calm and controlled environment, where emotions are managed more effectively.
Mediation also allows couples to focus on what truly matters: their future. Rather than getting caught up in past grievances, mediation can help couples shift their focus to co-parenting, financial settlements, and creating a future that works for both individuals. This shift from blame to constructive problem-solving can ultimately lead to a less acrimonious, more amicable separation, and if reconciliation is possible, it can help reframe the relationship in a healthier light.
Understanding the Limitations of Counselling
While therapy can be transformative, it has its limitations. For couples who have experienced years of emotional neglect or betrayal, therapy may not always heal the wounds. Furthermore, couples counselling may not always be effective if one partner is unwilling to engage in the process. Without mutual commitment, therapy is unlikely to result in the desired changes.
Additionally, some couples may face issues such as cultural differences or communication breakdowns that therapy might not easily resolve. These complexities can complicate the reconciliation process, requiring more specialised approaches that may not be readily available or understood by general therapists. For couples in these situations, more tailored interventions may be necessary for effective resolution.
Tips for Addressing Marital Issues Before Reaching a Breaking Point
- Seek Help Early: Couples who are struggling should consider seeking professional help sooner rather than later. The earlier you address issues, the easier it is to prevent them from escalating into insurmountable problems.
- Engage in Individual Therapy: If one partner is not ready to attend couples therapy, individual therapy can still provide valuable insights into personal emotional health and how it affects the relationship.
- Be Open to Change: The success of therapy often depends on both parties being open to change. Reconciliation is only possible if both partners are willing to make the necessary adjustments in their behaviours and expectations.
- Choose a Specialist Therapist: Some relationship challenges require specialised knowledge. If infidelity or cross-cultural issues are a concern, seeking a therapist with expertise in those areas can be more effective.
- Communicate Honestly: Transparency is key in counselling. Both partners must feel safe enough to express their concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation.
Conclusion
The court’s push for reconciliation through counselling is a progressive move, but it’s important to recognise its limitations. While mediation and therapy can provide crucial tools for couples, it’s not always a cure-all for a failing relationship.
Some marriages are beyond repair, and counselling may simply help partners transition from conflict to closure. Nonetheless, couples who are still invested in working through their issues should embrace counselling as a proactive solution to healing and building a stronger future, whether together or apart.
